i’m 24. and that means for five-sixths of my life (5/6), i have been biting my nails. whenever people ask me, “how long have you been biting them?” i always say, “for as long as i can remember,” but it’s entirely possible that i started biting even before then.
for me it’s always been sort of a crutch. i bite when i’m nervous – waiting for an interview or before a big performance – and when i’m really focused – studying for an exam or watching a compelling movie. oftentimes i don’t even realize i’m biting until i look down and see i’m bleeding.
everyone tried to get me to stop. my mom slapped my hand down so many times, and my auntie would do that gasp-and-concerned-look thing. my ex of 3 years tried too, but failed.
i think the problem was that i always kind of liked my hands. they are small and stumpy – partly because of the nail-biting and partly because of the piano-playing. but i liked them. i took pride in the dexterity and agility of my hands, not hindered by the “click click” of nails. and i thought that girls with long, pretty nails were vain and had nothing better to do than manicures and sh*t like that.
but i always knew i’d give it up someday. i knew that when i was an adult woman, i wouldn’t want little 5-year-old hands – so, here we are. i’m 24, out in the working world, being an adult.
part of me wanted to stop just to see if i could stop, to see if i had the will power. and – apparently – yes, i do.
so now – in order to keep myself from biting – i wear nailpolish almost constantly (yeah, i’m one of those girls), and i’m kind of enjoying it. i’ve never had nails to paint and i’ve been playing with lots of colors – bright yellow, white, light purple, gray blue, etc. and it’s been taking a lot of adjusting – growing out your nails is seriously like learning how to use your hands again. i’m still getting used to playing the guitar with nails, or the piano – it’s a little annoying. but it’s been a lot of fun too. now, i can actually scratch or open soda cans or peel labels off things. hurray!
i’m going to decide whether or not i want to keep them, but it’s nice to know that i can grow them out if i want to (and it only takes about a month).
bye bye, crutch.